The shops

One would think that going to the shops could be easy, dare i say it: enjoyable. You are going to a place to buy something you want. It's instant gratification, reward for hard graft, a cold glass of water in a sweltering desert of want. Well you are wrong.

I look out the window:rain. This means warm clothing, a rain jacket and possibly an umbrella. I now also have to drive to the store down the road and so what would have taken me 5 mins to walk will now take 10 mins to: get into my car. Demist. Drive to shops. Find parking. Find new parking because some asshole parked too close to the other asshole. The only good thing to come out of that was the 15cm horizontal scratch I left on his passenger door. Serves him right. After all of this excitement iyou still have to make it from the car to the entrance of the shop. The glowing white light at the end of you a tunnel lined with irritants.

Upon leaving the store the sun had shone through the clouds and i rejoiced, only to step into a puddle when i left the pavement. Fate you really are dickhead. I get home, eventually, what a terrible time it was. I place the milk in the fridge only to find i already had a full one there. Shopping i truly, truly hate you.

- IJ

Post no. 1 - Hello World

A luke-warm hello to whoever will actually read this. The only reason I started writing this blog is because my psychiatrist told me to. There is no way in hell I would have decided to do this by myself. The insane struggle I’ve had just getting to the stage where I can write my first post for this blog is testament to the idiocracy of online journalism. Remember when the computer doesn’t do what you want it to, don’t hit the screen, because it’s not actually the computer – kick the shit out of the big box instead.

I must state that this is not a cry for help in an unfair world; I don’t give two shits about how many friends I have on my myspace. This is not one of those blogs where I tell you how cool my life is and back it up with photographic evidence. "Ooh! We went to this little shit-hole town for our entire leave allocation and look at Tina smiling, we had so much fun, it’s the best, my life is slightly better than yours". Wankers.

So I will be updating this blog whenever I have absolutely nothing else to do. If there is a mildly interesting documentary about ants on TV, don’t expect a post. My name is Joseph John, but my friends (both of them) call me ‘irritable Joe’ (wankers) and this is my blog.

- IJ